When they diagnose you with a Chronic Illness they tell you the symptoms, the side effects, how it can progressively get worse, what treatment is available, hell they’ll even suggest what to eat but what they don’t tell you while you’re sitting across from them is how hard the rest of your life suddenly becomes.
They don’t tell you all your favourite hobbies that required a lot of energy might as well be tossed to the side.
They don’t tell you all your life goals and dreams get jumbled up and switched around and some even need to be put on the back burners until you’ve found a way to manage your symptoms.
They don’t tell you how every day from here on out is going to be an uphill battle with two wounded legs and the weight of the world on your back. And that there will be people telling you “You don’t look sick” or “You just have to power through it” or my personal favourite “My relative has a similar disease and she runs 8 marathons a year and eats nothing but kale”.
They don’t tell you how lonely you’re going to be. Your chronic illness gets in the way of hangouts, meetings, school, your job and the only socialisation you’ll be getting is from text messages or phone calls and that’s if your friends remember you- because they haven’t seen you in so long. Or worse they’ve stopped inviting you because you “can’t come out to play” because something hurts.
I’m learning all of this on my own. I’m learning how to live with a disease I didn’t think I would in a million years have. I was completely blindsided with how much this was going to take out of me.
I’m sitting here in tears because I miss being able to get out of bed and just do things. Because my body hurts. Because I miss my friends. Because I’m starting to think they aren’t going to be my friends in the next few days, hours, or minutes.
It sucks and it hurts. I hurt physically and mentally and I just want it to all go away.