Night time thoughts and stomach cramps


I’ve just been woken up by some idiot revving his motorbike at one in the morning and now, what with my stomach making all manner of noises and cramping, I can’t get back to sleep. So my sleep-deprived mind is wandering into that dark corner where all my depressed thoughts lurk.

I mean, I’ve tried to remain positive this week, especially at work because I’m customer facing and no one will buy from a depressed sales assistant. So I’ve smiled and done what I can, even though I’m in pain and feeling pretty crap but it’s when it gets quiet and I’m talking with my colleagues, and one well-meaning guy says that’s he thinks it’s “a lot to do with state of mind”, like I should think more positively and accept my situation for what it is. And my only thoughts are well, ok, but it’s not that simple. I know what’s happening to me far better than anyone else, and I’ve come to terms with the chronicness of my disease, but it doesn’t mean I have to like my situation.

My UC has gone from “mild” to “severe” in three months. I’ve been in hospital twice in those three months as a direct result of my UC, and am now on too many different medications daily to count. No one at my work has any idea what that is like. They may know people who have Crohn’s which has “gotten better”, but that’s not me. Until you have been diagnosed with a chronic disease, you have no right to advise someone who is already suffering. Until then, people should keep their comments to themselves. I do not have to be ok with my situation!

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