D is also for… Depression

I want to talk a little bit about depression, because I don’t feel it’s talked about enough.

Depression can affect anyone at any time. It can manifest in many different ways and can be accompanied by other conditions such as anxiety. 

For me, depression and anxiety come hand-in-hand. They manifest at random times, usually as extreme overthinking. It can also cause me to be critical of others and myself, make me worry I am a burden on others and that I’m letting everyone down (even when I have no logical reason to think so), and make it really hard for me to socialise regularly. 

I recently started on anti-depressants after speaking with my therapist and my GP. So far, I’ve found my outlook on life has been better, my relationships seem to be stronger, and I feel like I’m actually worthy of spending time with. (I still struggle with prolonged social interactions but that’s another thing altogether). 
Of course, not everyone is comfortable being on medication, especially for their mental health, but that’s ok. It took me a while to feel ok about taking anti-depressants, but now I feel a lot better, and even my partner can see the difference. Obviously, I’m not saying that everyone will be ok with taking them, but I wanted to share my experience with them in case anyone was on the fence about taking them. If you choose to not take medication, that’s ok, it’s your choice, your body. You know what’s best for you more than anyone so please don’t feel pressured to start meditation if you’re not comfortable doing so. 

It’s important to talk about mental health as much as we do physical health. We need to be more open with ourselves as well as with each other in order to destigmatise mental illness.

Remember: just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Someone may look perfectly healthy, but it’s impossible to know what’s going on underneath their smile. 
Everyone is fighting a battle you can’t see, so be kind. 

And if you are struggling right now, please reach out to your support network. There are people you can talk to who will not judge you or try to tell you what to do. They can point you in the direction of a professional, if that’s what you need, or just be an ear to listen. Please don’t suffer in silence. 


Samaritans (UK) : 116 123

Suicide Prevention (Canada): 1833-456-4566

Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14

Suicide Prevention (USA): 1800 237 8255




Your mental illness is lying to you.












You are not stupid.

You are not ugly.

You are not worthless.

You are not weak.

You are not a burden.

Your mental illness is lying to you.



No you’re not bothering me. (Yes I’m serious.)

You’re not dumb.

You have great ideas.

Your smile isn’t ugly.

Neither is your laugh.

Yes people love you. No they’re not lying. Yes really.


You don’t need to apologize, I actually AM very interested in our conversation.


in addition: yes i love you and your existence

Uhm… I really fucking needed to see this.

Yes, I am happy to hear from you.

You look nice today.

No, you aren’t being annoying.

Tell me more about the things you like, I’m interested in what you have to say.

If you changed your mind and can’t handle going out, we can hang out at home instead, I really don’t mind and I’m not mad at you.

Yes, I am really honestly happy that you’re here!

I think you’re pretty great actually.

Needed this and BOOSTING

needed this.


Side note: if you tell me to stop apologizing, I will apologize for apologizing so much

Read this

You don’t need to apologise for existing!

I love you. No, really.

Sorry for a lack of updates

I’ve been pretty busy recently; I started counselling last week to try and help with a few things I’ve been struggling with recently. My first session I didn’t think went so well because my therapist seemed a bit uncaring and disinterested because I scored low on the risk assessment. I thought I’d give it one more try before asking to change therapists and I’m glad I did; today’s session went much better because we went through some things (not everything) in depth and she seemed a lot more interested in what I had to say. She even gave some advice on something I’ve been struggling with for a while now but haven’t been able to talk about. I hope these sessions will be helpful in the long run but I guess it’s still early days.

In other news, I’m going to visit family up north this weekend which I’m hoping will help relieve some stress. It’s going to be cold but I’m prepared for that; I know the cold can make my stomach muscles hurt so I’ll be bringing a load of heat pads and my hot water bottle with me.

I hope everyone is having a safe Halloween.


it really bothers me that so many people on this site treat ableism like it’s black and white.

just now i saw a post where op was like “i’m glad that spinners are popular because it normalizes fidgets and decreases stigma” and someone replied like “no!! it’s absolutely TERRIBLE that neurotypicals are using these fidgets because when they get in trouble they make things harder for mentally ill kids!!” and like you guys do realize that? you’re both right? it isn’t a decisive fact that neurotypicals using fidgets is either good or bad, there are both benefits and consequences that need to be taken into consideration.

a few months ago there was a post going around that was like, *neurotypical voice* why are you bouncing your leg, and somebody reblogged it saying that the post was ableist because autistic kids can get overstimulated by leg bouncing. i go to a school for the mentally disabled, and i’ve been in this exact scenario, my classmate wasn’t able to focus because i was bouncing my leg and although i felt bad i told him that i wouldn’t be able to stop for long because i do it subconsciously due to my adhd. he wasn’t being ableist for asking me to stop, and i wasn’t being ableist for saying i couldn’t, we just both had different needs. in the end, our compromise was that i went to work in the computer lab.

you have to understand that there is always more than one side to issues like these, and that we should be striving for understanding and balance over demonization of one side and blind support of the other. this is especially relevant when people on both sides are mentally ill or disabled, because sometimes symptoms will clash and you just need to deal with it.

I’m probably what people would call “neurotypical”, meaning, I don’t have a diagnosis

nor do I exhibit symptoms of any mental illness (aside from de-realisation). However, I find my fidget cube very helpful when in stressful situations. For example, when I went down to the theatre for my surgery last month, I took my cube with me (even though I was told to leave everything in my room) and found that focusing on the spinner with my thumb was enough to keep me from thinking about what was going to happen. It also gave the nurses something to talk to me about whilst en route to the theatre instead of soul-crushing silence.